Back in 2010, Harry Letterman got Sully, part Yellow Lab, part Satan. Please, if you know who this portrait belongs to, please call the Times-News. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Bill Cosby interview and stories from college ••• The Black Keys sing. And then a Warning Warning Watch Warning, and then a Watch Watch. ••• monologue: "More dead birds last night: the Oregon Ducks." (Auburn beat Oregon in the national championship football game.) ••• It's another of Tom De Lay's weeping buddies. Wait a second." (clip): Someone wipes a goofy-looking thing aside, and we hear the squeaky sound you hear when you're cleaning a window with Windex® and Bounty®, The Quicker Picker-Upper™. We now return you to Webster, already in progress." (voice-over): "Be sure to pick up a copy of A Shore Thing, the debut novel of everyone's favorite Jersey Shore cast member, Snooki." (clips of various staff members) (voice-over): "Use it to prop up a wobbly table. " When Dave finds something he likes, he goes with it. For example, he once bought 2,000,000 pairs of socks that he liked. All of a sudden, for the last three weeks Dave can't get it to stick to his face, so he appointed his assistant, Brenda, to call 'em today, and they claimed they're having nozzle trouble. ) ••• back to the TTL ••• Vince Vaughn plugs The Dilemma. She is awesome.) ••• Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz plug the History Channel's American Pickers. 1/12/11 : interruption: Two warmly-dressed rascals wielding snow shovels approach Dave. ••• Dave has some colorful, elbow-length Vet-Pro™ gloves for handling some of the critters Jungle Jack Hanna is about to bring out. ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Pauley Perrette plugs NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Sunshine, and gives us too much information about current medical procedures. Chris says of his daughters, "I'm very proud of both of them," then goes on to say, "I've gotta tell you, the first time that Abby was announced on SNL, I was so proud, but the... the proudest moment for me was when you announced her and she came out on this show." ••• The National sing. 2/02/11 : Photoshop fun: It's Mayor Bloomberg as a groundhog. I'm standing backstage in front of a green screen." (Dave): "Uh huh.
If no one claims it by September 1st, we will do something with it." ••• outside cam: an awesome helicopter shot from above a New York City bridge ••• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi presents the Top Ten Reasons to Buy the New Snooki Book. I'd never heard of it, but they go around and buy junk that they turn around and sell as movie props, crap for interior designers, etc. At least they're not hoarders, who'll save their gum wrappers, pizza boxes, dead pets, etc. "We'll shovel your sidewalk for twenty bucks," the one with the more-ridiculous hat offers. Jack has a Zorilla (striped polecat), a little joey (kangaroo) and a Binturong (Malaysian bearcat that smells like popcorn, and can kill a cobra). ••• "Alan Kalter's Super Bowl Preview" / (Dave): "OK, Alan, take it away! ••• monologue: Charlie Sheen's home is known as Villa de Kilo. And, do you have any information on the latest developments at all, Bob?
Dave could tell that tonight's audience didn't want to be here. ••• Regis Philbin bravely reappears for another interview with Dave, and tonight our host has treats! Tonight Regis has stories about jobs he had before he was Regis, and his stint in the Korean War as a supply officer for the U. We hope to be Apple's rumored i Graph device." (photo): a telegraph key with an Apple logo (audio): Morse code "VI" (voice-over): "at&t: Please check the number and try your call again." Apparently it's not fashionable to capitalize AT&T these days. When Sully's running, his big old tongue flaps against his face. ••• There's more trouble with deceased birds plummeting from the sky. / Photoshop fun: Joining Donald Trump and Amy Winehouse with bird carcasses on their heads (or red hat, in this case) is His Eminence, Pope Benedict XVI. Taping of his show, Two and a Half Men, went on hiatus. ••• with closing credits: Keith Olbermann and Biff Henderson 2/01/11 : Dave likes salty snacks, but he thinks people are eating way too much salt. Moments later he's chowing down on multiple handsful of Na Cl. ••• monologue: "Charlie Sheen has 90 days of rehab at his house. Dave says he woke up with a hangover, but he hadn't been drinking. I saw one today down by 48th and 9th Avenue." ••• Chris Elliott (who Paul plays on with his "Bananas" song) plugs Eagleheart.••• with credits: photo of Ryan Seacrest ••• Alan Kalter says good night.1/04/11 : monologue: Thousands of small, deceased black birds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas around New Year's Day.••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave cares about us home viewers, by the way. Now, speaking of running, Dave has gotten to wondering what it would be like if tortoises were speedy, and hares were slow as molasses. Naturally Dave wonders how that would work out for humans who were running. 1/11/11 : There's another pesky snowstorm in store for New York City... (Dave promises the balcony will be plowed tomorrow. That's where the CBS guests sit.) The National Weather Service is on it. Since the warning may change, we've also issued a Warning Watch Alert Update Watch Warning. ••• Tom De Lay's going to the joint for three years for monkeying around with campaign finance funds, and boy, are his colleagues ever upset. / video: (various nebulae photos) (voice-over): "A mysterious green blob has been spotted in outer space. / Top Ten Charlie Sheen Excuses ••• Justin Bieber plugs an important documentary, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Martha was cooking items for a football-themed party. He said, "Martha, do you still hear from any of the cons? Dave wants to say something to Hosni Mubarak, and all Egyptians everywhere, for that matter, which brings us to "The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak." / video: (title graphics) (voice-over): "And now, 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " (Dave, at desk, looking troubled): "Hosni, Hosni, Hosni." (voice-over): "This has been 'The Late Show's Message to Hosni Mubarak.' " ••• Gov. ••• While Gerard Mulligan didn't join Chris as usual, we get tape of a mockumentary with Gerard and Chris's daughter Bridget "Bridey" Elliott, "Chris and Gerry with the NYPD." Chris began with Dave on Late Night from its start, and eventually became a writer.Dave's fascinated by the behaviors of members of the animal kingdom. ••• "Small Town News" / Ohio County Times-News, Hartford, Kentucky: B&W picture of a masculine-looking middle-aged woman, frowning for her picture, as they did way back when: "Do you know this lady? Mike Mc Intee reported in the Wahoo Gazette that those punks painted Alan Kalter's face green... / video: (snow scenes) (voice-over): "A major snowstorm is now a certainty for the Northeastern U. The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Watch, which will soon be upgraded to a Winter Storm Warning Watch, to be followed by a Warning Warning, then a Warning Watch Warning, then a Watch Watch Warning Watch, then the Warning itself. The National Weather Service: So advanced, it's simple." ••• interruption: Gene Szymanski, who's all bundled up, rolls onstage with an electric snowblower. / video: Speaker of the House John Boehner is blubbering somethin' awful over the recent verdict. ) ••• The Hubble Space Telescope has delivered a great image of a green blob in space. NASA officials can't identify what it is, exactly, but these images from the Hubble Telescope suggest it could be a light echo from a long-dead quasar, or quite possibly... A Shore Thing: Available at fine booksellers and auto detailing shops everywhere! / We see the girls outside on 53rd St., hoping for his autograph. " She paid her debt to society, and he shouldn't have said that. Mitt Romney presents the Top Ten Things You Don't Know About Mitt Romney. ••• desk chat: more on the Martha Stewart scandal, and how to apologize ••• Matthew Perry plugs Mr. Aaron Rodgers has had a tremendous postseason, and I see that continuing Sunday. Back to you, Dave." (Dave): "Thank you very much, Alan. Dave announced Abby Elliott's birth on Late Night on 6/17/87. " (Bob, with Egypt in the background): "Well, I'm tellin' you, nobody can even get into Cairo.