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They seem innocuous enough, if schizophrenic--sometimes the children write childishly ("I am so xcited for Dunkin' D's!!! This seems to be a boy my girl kind of knows who is indulging in a disgusting fad. My baby has always been a private person, and not loquacious. One afternoon I see her at the far corner of the yard, swinging on the swing set. Back and forth, back and forth, my baby swings and swings.") and sometimes they write like gang members, sort of ("Yo, bitch, dat sucks u have yr math tutor now"). At our school, eighth grade is short stories, sines and cosines, Social Justice, protons and neutrons, and Sex Education. On the other hand, if I do decide to exact retribution at some point, it will now take me about ten minutes, from the information he has given me, to find out who he is and what his parents' home phone number is. "I was just calling because your phone number showed up on my cell phone screen and I didn't know who'd called me." "Oh." Nice to know that I have, for once. "Bye." He could have hung up, but he's speaking to an adult. It's disgusting, but it's so disgusting it suddenly seems funny. I try to talk to her about it two more times, but I'm rebuffed. Her older sister did the same thing when she was a teenager, on the swing set we'd bought for her when he was little. I'm sure they're good idea, but I'm sorry, I just don't want to know what they are. "All the studies show that kids who have all of the information well in advance of having sex--and a lot of them start when they're fifteen--will make better choices," the nurse said to me. I have a crazy parental urge to say to him, Don't you kids listen when the grown-ups tell you not to give strangers any information? You'd probably tag along after a man who tells you he has a hurt puppy in his car! It's probably just some boy she knows, says my older child, some boy just trying to be funny.

Gravely, I hold forth the picture of the penis I have printed out on the printer. And, yes, they say, they have heard that the girls are sending around pictures of their vaginas.

I hardly ever see her email Inbox except very fleetingly, as I pass through the little nook in the hallway where we have moved her computer from her bedroom.

Here's how I know about the penis: I sit down at my daughter's computer, my barely-a-teenager daughter's computer, one recent afternoon while mine is in the shop, and here on my daughter's computer screen is her email Inbox.

That even the squeakiest clean teenagers in the land are allergic to having an adult standing over their shoulders? ") Most of the parenting industry tells us parents that civil liberties do not apply vis a vis our children and the computer.

That even Mormon teenagers, when emailing their pals-- "See u in Temple Square! "--slap their hands over their computer screens when their parents pass by, protesting, "Mother! But these computer recreations--Facebook, You Tube, IM, i Chat, Video Chat, My Space--were already out of the gate, galloping away with my daughter long before I learned what they were; I was too late to make any privacy policies about them even if I'd wanted to.

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I keep picturing Facebook/IM/You Tube as a huge sci-fi monster whose tendrils keep wriggling through the cracks under the front door that I have locked and bolted and shoved dressers in front of. All of these things involved nudity and exhibitionism and flaunting your privates, didn't they?

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