The INTJ is a rare personality type, even among introverts, and not many people “get” us.As a result, we are careful about committing and wait a long time to let you in.(What’s your personality type?
We let very few people into our “inner circle,” and when we do, we have high expectations. This is so simple that I think some partners are scared of it. We’ve all dealt with someone who says they want you to speak your mind, then blows up when you do. To an INTJ, understanding and resolving a problem is much more important than avoiding confrontation. Most people argue to make a point, express anger or get their way. We are perpetually kicking the tires on what we think we know. We love being proven wrong if it means we learn something new. A lot of INTJs told me no one gets them gifts that they really like. He writes about heroism, spirituality, and exploring the world as an introvert.
We want a partner who believes in our work, our goals, and our abilities.
We believe competence and loyalty go hand in hand; we do not trust a partner who simply cheers for us if we cannot also count on their counsel and good judgment. We view all problems as inherently solvable, including problems like lack of wealth, fame, or career success. We don’t believe we have any business putting our emotions out in the public sphere, and it can be hard for us when others do so.
When we feel that you provide this, there will be no question of our loyalty in return. We may or may not value the same outcomes as you, but if we know exactly what your goals are, we immediately become your COO.(If the INTJ is immature, or if we don’t understand your goals correctly, we may come off as bullying you into something you don’t want to do. INTJs need a ridiculous amount of alone time — possibly more than any other type. (Many INTJs hate public displays of affection.) Plus, we know that emotions are volatile.
We are the type of partner who will drop everything and come to you in your time of need (or more likely, rearrange everything so nothing gets dropped). If you say this out loud, we will stop.)Reciprocation is appreciated, but we’re also self-sufficient. And alone time for us means time with no distractions. This is how we create our vast plans or do our best work. And an INTJ who doesn’t accomplish things is like a plant with no water. An INFJ recently told me, “When I’ve had a day to myself I feel recharged and I want to see my friends. Sometimes those emotions even show up in sudden outbursts, especially if we feel a sense of violation or unfairness. We want to understand what we’re feeling before we act on it. Don’t worry about hurting our feelings — be brave and speak up loudly.
Consequently, like other TJ types, they can come across as blunt, mechanical, or lacking a certain degree of tact or social know-how.