This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.A major reason why I put up with being treated so badly in my relationships was because I was conflict averse; I didn’t have a strong foundation to work from and dreaded any fight for fear of causing more drama which would inevitably be my fault and lead to further fights down the line.The two-faced smilers who would be pleasant to people’s faces but had no problem cutting them down when their back was turned.How many times have you had someone – a friend, a lover, even family – pull a guilt-trip on you?After the honeymoon period, where I was just astounded that I was having sex, our relationship became a matter of constant fighting, jealousy, guilt trips and having to justify myself on an almost daily basis.Almost every fight we ever had would escalate from disagreeing over what to rent at Blockbuster to threats of breaking up with me… I allowed her walk all over me because I was willing to put up with this.No further.” The lack of belief in yourself feeds into an insidious self-perpetuating cycle.
Part of the reason I stuck in the relationship I mentioned was a simple matter of low confidence; I had more than convinced myself that I was lucky to have this relationship at fault if it does – you will often find yourself knuckling under rather than drawing a line and saying “No.Of course, this is emotionally shredding and deeply damaging to the person who is letting this happen.At best, you have a codependent relationship – one partner needing constant control and validation while giving up any personal responsibility and the other trying to shoulder the entire burden of both parties as well as take blame for any faults as an exchange for having the relationship. well, you’re prey for users, manipulative assholes and emotional abusers.After all, if you were better, cooler, or more desirable, you’d be able to stand up for yourself.When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.
One of the most common signs of a predatory, abusive personality is the testing of boundaries: trying to push someone further and further out of their comfort zone, using a cycle of rewards and punishments in order to manipulate someone into being willing to knuckle under.